Trough Times

Dear Internet,

Can 2009 be over soon? What's that you say? Just 50 more days? Ok fine, but let's make it quick, shall we?

You see, I've been having a tricky time as of late. Not only did my pretty blue wallet disappear on the 14 Mission bus on Halloween night, but then someone charged all sorts of festive items to my missing credit cards. It's true! And according to the purchase history, they really whooped it up that night. Based on the charges at "The Smoke Shop" on Mission, I'm imaginging that they bought a vaporizer, which is kind of funny, my imagination has to admit.

And since my license and house keys were IN my wallet, I had to change my door locks to prevent the stoner party from moving to my apartment. Luckily, this adorable boy that Sherry and I met at Burning Man a few years ago works as a lock smith and came right over to hook a sister up, installing very fancy new locks. Who knew there was such a thing? Seriously, my front door now sports the Rolls-Royce of dead bolts. So...I got that goin' for me, I guess.

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Luckily, I was back up and running in time for Rick's annual birthday extravaganza . Since I've known him, the theme of Rick's birthday has always been "pork," which really gives one a lot to work with. Falling on the heels of 2 wildly successful urban pig roasts, his wife Zetta stepped it up a notch this year and added a dash of sophistication to the birthday marinade.

Not only did Ms. Zetta rent a house in wine country for a weekend-long fiesta, but this year's pig was served on real plates at an actual dining room table...as opposed to the traditional Dixie plates balanced on your lap while downing a keg beer with one hand and deflecting flying pig parts with the other (this is not a tame crew, mind you). And to top it off, the meal was concepted, prepared and served by team Robert and Barbara, who should maybe consider blowing off their respective careers as a technology powerhouse and fabulous arteest to become celebrity chefs! Talk about bringin' it. Robert even wore a monogrammed chef's outfit while prepping the meal. Meanwhile, Barbara power bottomed, complete with an authentic German accent. GoodGodIlovethosetwo!

Seriously, this badass home cooked meal was truly one of the fanciest I've ever had in my life including that one time?...in Bali? Check out the menu as written by Robert:

Rick's Pigtastic Birthday Dinner

Starters: olives, chive creme fraiche, salami
Course 1: Ginger-infused pumpkin soup
Course 2: Oink Oink (pork tenderloin wrapped with sage and prosciutto accompanied by cream roasted potatoes drizzled with manganista gravy)
Course 3: Roasted manganista pig served with bacon-wrapped green beans and parsnip puree topped with fried manganista pig and a veal reduction sauce
Course 4: Vanilla panna cotta smothered in quince sauce served with warmed Guinness whiskey and Bailey's Irish Cream Cupcakes

Read Rick's personal account of the meal here.

After a weekend full of wine, pork, and lots of laying around with full bellies and big smiles, our birthday crew returned to SF. And on the drive home, my celebration of pig came to a squeeling halt. Enter the swine flu. For realz.

As for life with the H1N1, my experience is that the test for it was WAY WORSE than the actual virus. Seriously, The United Nations Convention Against Torture has been barking up the wrong tree, dear Internet. Waterboarding, shmorderboarding. The "nasopharyngeal swab" is what deserves massive global outcry. The way it works is that your doctor sticks a throat culture-sized Q-tip up your nose, through your sinus and all the way into your swine-infested brain (or so it feels). Meanwhile, you have the flu and practically pass out from the procedure. It's all very dramatic.

But I have to admit it is exciting to get the positive results back 5 days later once you're feeling a lot better. Because then, you get to tell everyone you have a legitimate, confirmed case of the infamous H1N1! Heb and I agree this makes me sort of fame-ish. Kinda of like having Anthrax poisoning in 2001...minus the terrorism.

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Anyway, here's to 2009 wrapping up in 50 days...and counting. Enough with pigs, already. Bring on the year of the TIGER!